Nothing feels quite like it. There is something in it so simple yet so overwhelming to me. The warmth of it makes me want to cry. It disarms me entirely, makes me feel not as a child, but as an infant in loving, trusted arms. All that even comes close anymore is the way my back feels on lonely days as it presses against the back of the leather seat of a summer sun-baked car.
First, I feel the arms wrap around me. Then, I feel our chests brought together. And then, there it is. My head around one side, yours to the other. And between both our necks, nothing. It’s not just a “hug.” I don’t know what it is, but no pleasure or sex has matched it. It is pure, unvain, incorruptible,
Beyond petty trade-offs and usings.
It is honest.
It is true,
And in that moment,
I know that I love you,
And you love me too.
But there is nothing I would love more,
Than to hold you and feel your
Neck embracing mine.
God, how long it’s been since I’ve felt it. I don’t blame you. I still love you. I just miss it, but I’m too much a coward to ask anything of you. Too much a coward even to ask for love, because I’m afraid that I don’t deserve it.